8 Very Honest People Share What It's Really Like to Have a Threesome

Threesomes are far more common than you might think. While many straight men have dreamed about two women at once, a lot of women are actually down with them, too. Perhaps threesomes are the sex wave of the future?

At least, the app 3nder definitely thinks so. The ménage a trois tool aims to make it easier than ever to find a third party to join you in bed.

Intrigued? We asked men and women who've had a threesome experience (or two or three) to share the lessons they learned from that sexual adventure.

1. The Second Time Is Not Always Better
"I had a threesome with a friend and a guy I was casually dating, and it was great! We had a lot of fun; there was zero jealousy (thank you, alcohol), and it was a very enjoyable experience. However, when we tried to go for a second round a couple months later, it was a disaster. Call it bad timing or an error in the line-up of the stars, but it made all of us realise sometimes you just shouldn't repeat the past." —Brigitte, 33

2. You Need a Good Soundtrack
"My first threesome was to a soundtrack of L.A. Style's 'James Brown is Dead.' (Shut up, this was in the very early 90s, OK?) The naked time was fun, but that song on repeat was downright maddening." —Sarah, 36

3. There Can Be Too Many Penises
"My old friend with benefits was super into male, male, female (MMF) threesomes, and I thought I would be, too. But every time he suggested one, I was like...nah, I'm good. On the other hand, I was always down for having a threesome with him and a girl—like the time his other friend with benefits came over randomly, and we all had sex." —Anna, 29

4. There Can Be Too Many Vaginas
"I lived my whole life thinking that a threesome would be the greatest thing ever. Two women to myself? Yes! But the one time I did it, I couldn't get it up. It was too much pressure. The humiliation that followed killed all future threesome fantasies." —M., 29

5. It's Better if You're the Third Wheel
"The thing I learned about threesomes is it's the most fun if you're the third party. I've only been with previously established couples. That way I can just focus on enjoying myself without paranoia about my relationship afterward." —Colleen, 30.

6. Communication Is Key
"The open communication people use [while] preparing for (and during) a threesome should extend to twosome sex encounters, because it's really great. In my experience, everybody asks, 'Is this OK?' 'Can I do this?' 'Do you want to ___ now?' It ensures everyone is comfortable, plus, logistically, it keeps you from bumping into each other." —A., 25

7. Same Gender Threesomes Are Awesome
"I've found I prefer my threesome (or more-some) participants to be of the same sex. I've had MFF and FFF, FFFF, FFFFF and the Fs were more fun. I'm too ADD for the genital switch-up of a male and female partner. How you treat each is so vastly different that I find it jarring to go from one extreme to another. I haven't had a MMF, but I'm certainly not opposed to it. That would be in keeping with the ADD rule. It's just hard to find men who are comfortable in that situation." —Samantha, 30.

8. You Need to Share the Love

"What I learned from my one threesome is that if not everyone is getting equal attention, someone will cry. It seemed like everything was fair to me, until one of the women cried because she felt left out. It immediately ruined the mood, because then we had to switch gears to console her. It was really weird." —Kevin, 31

This article originally appeared on WomensHealthMag.com