Q: I’m not proud to admit it but I’ve cheated on previous girlfriends. My new girlfriend just confessed she never has. What’s my play? Is it okay to lie?
Lizza: Tricky. I reckon if she hasn’t asked you directly, then you don’t have to volunteer the info, because you haven’t cheated on her. But if she does ask you, you’ve just got to grow a pair and be honest.
Harriet: Agreed. Lies always catch up with you and could really damage the trust in yourrelationship later on.
Lucy: If it were me and my BF had cheated on a girl in the past, I wouldn’t want to know straight up. I reckon it would make me super-paranoid – even if he’s never done anything wrong in our relationship
Harriet: But would you rather know than find out later and feel like it had been kept a secret, and then his excuse is, “Well, you never asked”?
Lucy: I don’t expect him to come home and casually drop it into the convo, but if the topic comes up around cheating, I guess I’d expect him to tell me. You just gotta trust that he learned from past mistakes.
Lizza: Relationships are all about trust, right? If you don’t have that, you have fuck-all. So, if you tell your girlfriend about your past, and as a couple, you aren’t able to get beyond that, I reckon she might not fully trust you, anyway.
Lucy: Totally. Where do you guys stand on the whole “once-acheater-always-a-cheater” thing
Lizza: I think if you’ve cheated once, doesn’t mean you’ll cheat with future partners. I also think too that as you get older, you realise what a rarity it is to find someone you do life well with, so you’re less likely to jeopardise it.
Lucy: I do think that if a person has gotten away with cheating once, there’s a strong likelihood they’ll do it again. BUT . . . that’s not to say a person can’t change,
especially for the right person
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