Want to be like this guy? Want to impress all your friends and assert your dominance over anyone who crosses your path?
Then follow these easy steps to being absolutely devastated by a human being who is paid to make other human beings swallow their teeth.
1. Remove your shirt.
It’s how you truly win the approval of your peers. When the shirt comes off, Alpha-Male Mode is engaged. That’s a law of nature. Look it up.
2. Take a wild swing.
Don’t tentatively throw your first punch. You have one shot to make your ancestors proud, so toss your opponent a haymaker.
But be sure to follow up with zero defence; you need to put all your expectations behind that single punch. They say Rome wasn’t built in a day, but that’s because the Romans didn’t have your testicular fortitude.
3. Accept the uppercut of deliverance.
No one ever said it would be easy. When your nose is crushed into powder and your teeth spill onto the streets like Mardi Gras beads, keep in mind that soon, all glory and honour will be yours.
Also, do your best to stay conscious. If you remain alert, you can better maintain your dignity and self-respect.
4. Hold your head up high.
This is very important, especially when your foe is holding you in a crucifix and you need to keep your blood-gushing mouth away from the pavement.
Congratulations! You’re the hero of the moment and the undeniable ruler of this block.
Don’t let your enemy tell you any different, no matter how much his superior size, strength, and speed say otherwise.
For actual ways to leave a bar bout with your dignity (and schnoz) intact, discover How to Win Any Fight.