FIND A WILLING ACCOMPLICE
“An approachable woman will scan the room, moving her upper body as well as her head,” says ex-fed Navarro. “If she’s sexually frustrated she’ll also use big hand gestures, touching friends with her palm, not just the fingertips.” While chatting to her, look for “moral pliancy”. “Research shows that adventurous women are more fashion conscious, educated and liberal in their politics,” Navarro says. So frequent topic-hopping is a sure sign that she’ll misbehave.
The clincher “Mention a friend who is sexually rash. The more that her eyes widen as she first reacts, the more likely it is that you’ll get a ‘yes’,” says Navarro.
LOBBY FOR SEX
“Be 100 per cent clear on why you want what you want, and deliver it without apology,” says political lobbyist Whitehouse. If you don’t have the time or desire for a full-time relationship, just say so. “In politics, showing you take criticism well is an excellent strategy. Hear out her concerns and shift your proposal to take in what she said.” This encourages her to negotiate with you. But it’s likely that her mates will tell her it’s a bad idea. “Never dismiss her concerns – acknowledge them,” says Whitehouse. Strategically sidestep the naysayers with, “They’re saying that because they’re your mates and have your best interests at heart.”
The clincher To maximise your chances of success, seek out your girl at a party or another gathering of mutual friends. Research shows that being a friend of a friend makes her feel safe and ups your chances of casual sex.
GET HER EXCITED
“When selling an idea, getting your audience to feel physically excited and emotionally engaged – rather than just mentally convinced – really ups your chances,” says TV-pitching expert Lees. The same principle applies for the woman you’re trying to convince: research from a Dutch study found that discussing something visceral and immediate – the smell or taste of food, say, or a physical activity like swimming in the sea – shifts her mental focus from love to lust. If your pitch hits difficulties, stop and ask her a question says Lees. “This not only sidesteps awkward silence but also helps her feel part of a two-way process, not simply a means to an end. Likewise, flattery is amateurish. It’s far better to convey why you chose her in a subtle way, so that she doesn’t feel too ‘targeted’.” Stop telling her she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and stick with the honest approach, saying, “It’s no-strings for me at the moment. I feel that you wouldn’t judge me for that”.
The clincher “Get someone to agree on three small things and they’re more likely to try a fourth,” says Lees. Try discussing a favourite restaurant, a holiday destination or just suggest moving to a quieter section of the bar.
CLOSE THE DEAL
“Buyers go through three key phases once you’ve presented your ‘product’,” says marketeer Buteux. First, they’re unsure if they’ll buy, so use the 80-20 technique: limit your chat contribution to 20 per cent. “Let her talk, so she notices the sell less and the whole experience more – which, if pleasant, makes her vastly more compliant. Don’t mention the pitch for at least 15 minutes. This draws a buyer in.” Finally, don’t contradict anything you’ve said so far. “This undermines the product, reducing buyer trust. When she finally agrees, conclude the deal quickly. Over-sell kills interest.” Taxi for two, please.
The clincher “Surprises build consumer loyalty,” says Buteux. She’ll expect the morning-after brush-off, but refer to something personal she mentioned before you ended up in bed. You score brownie points – and a likely rematch – for remembering.
KEEP IT STRICTLY BUSINESS
“For ‘friends with benefits’ to work, you need to know how to keep a lid on your emotions without coming across as totally heartless,” says therapist Parkinson. “That means being exceptionally consistent and clear about your boundaries. This lets her know where she stands, which reassures her and reduces potential feelings of guilt for you.” If she starts to invest more in the relationship or gets emotional, make a kind but not intimate gesture. “Sit on a separate piece of furniture but lean forward – it will keep you distanced but shows you’re concerned,” says Parkinson. This helps to calm her down in the short-term, but you have to be realistic. If you’re not on the same page, end it.
The clincher If you feel emotionally involved in the situation, write down three reasons you got into it. Putting it on paper helps you refocus and decide what to do next.