Cheating is a tricky concept to define. What one person constitutes as cheating, the next person could consider as fine. While some things, like kissing and sexual penetration, are pretty much smack bang on cheating for most of us (unless you have an arrangement with your partner that states otherwise) we call all the other grey areas ‘micro cheating’, and strip clubs often fall into that category.
Micro cheating is when a person engages in small acts that are considered ‘almost cheating’ like texting someone you know you shouldn’t or flirting with someone on social media.
A big part of micro cheating comes down to the intention. More often than not some of the behaviours described in micro cheating could actually be innocent, but they become not so when the intention changes.
Although it is normal to have thoughts or occasionally be attracted to others, these less obvious behaviours can become dangerous when combined with a strong attraction. If you feel like you need to hide the behaviours you are engaging in from your partner, then chances are you are micro cheating. This can mean feeling the need to keep your distance when messaging or keeping your social media activity private or are having phone conversations without telling your partner about it.
It could be as simple as liking an ex-boyfriend’s social media post from months ago or sending them a message to see how they are. All of these seemingly ‘small’ actions can sometimes point to a bigger underlying problem where the hidden intention is not favourable.
When it comes to the strip club, well the jury is still out on that one. Some people would consider it micro cheating, or cheating full stop, while others might be ok with it. The truth is, whether strip clubs is cheating is a very debatable topic that’s full of nuances and personal opinions. Getting to a black and white answer on a topic like this is always going to be tricky. The best way to decide your stance on it is to consider the following:
Would you tell your partner?
Visiting a strip club for a bucks or hens party can be par for the course, but many people can often keep that visit from their partner. A great way to think about it is whether you would tell them up front, not after the fact?
If it is something that you’ve kept from your partner, or are feeling anguished over telling them, then it’s likely there is an element that you, or your partner, consider it cheating (or at the very least, borderline cheating). If you can’t be open and honest about it then it is your instincts telling you something is wrong. Always trust that feeling and perhaps have a conversation with your partner before entering the strip club.
How does it make you feel when you are there?
Take a moment to tune into your own feelings and decide how you feel about strip clubs. Does the idea of going there make you anxious? Are you worried your partner might find out? Do you feel dirty or uneasy when you’re there? If going to a strip club or the thought of going to one makes you feel uncomfortable, then that’s your instincts telling you something.
The story your instincts are trying to tell you is that there is something wrong with going and in most cases it’s because you value your relationship and how your partner might feel. If you are worried about hurting your partner’s feelings or disrespecting them, then it is the wrong thing to do.
What are you doing once you’re there?
We’ve all heard the phrase “look at the menu but eat at home” and this definitely applies to strip clubs. Depending on who you ask, some people are ok with the looking but not touching concept. If you are in a relationship, then visit a strip club and engage in lap dances or something else physical, then you are likely verging on doing the wrong thing.
Chances are your partner wouldn’t be ok with you getting lap dances and if you’re considering simply not telling them about it, then it’s cheating. If, on the other hand, you know you can be open and honest with your partner about your experience and that they’ll be ok with it, then in your case it’s not cheating.
Put the shoe on the other foot
A great way to approach it is by putting the shoe on the other foot or imagining the situation swapped around. How would you feel if your partner went to a strip club and didn’t tell you? Would it feel like some of your trust has been violated? Or how would you feel if your partner went to a strip club against your wishes? Would it make you feel anxious or worried? If so, then don’t do it.
Respecting your partner’s wishes is always important to build a relationship built on trust. Once any trust has been violated then it can be difficult to re-build. Honour your partner’s wishes and if you don’t agree on the topic then have an open and honest conversation. Sometimes seeing someone else’s perspective can make you better understand the issue or change your own view.
