Q: How do I tell my partner I want us to be more sexually adventurous without making it seem like I think she’s boring in bed? – Colin
Harriet: I think the best time to ask your partner to try new things is in a place where they are going to feel the least vulnerable; i.e. not during sex.
Lucy: Where would you ask, then? It sounds a bit awkward bringing it up over dinner like, “Hey, honey do you want to try anal?”
Lizza: I agree. I think when you’re out somewhere over a couple of drinks is great because it’s less pressure on your partner and if they’re horrified by the idea you can always just laugh it off.
Harriet: Yeah, drinks can definitely help make it feel less of an interrogation. Start by asking, “Have you ever tried this?” or “What’s something you would like to try?” Keep it light-hearted and playful.
Lizza: To be honest, who says she’s not the one who’s bored?
Lucy: For me, I think I’m more likely to say yes if we’re in bed because I’d probably feel that I could go with it more in the moment.
Harriet: In that case, it could be good to introduce the idea during foreplay rather than during sex. Keep it positive and say stuff that you do like, rather than what you’re not enjoying.
Lucy: Yeah, so maybe try and change it up, so if she always goes down on you maybe reverse it so that she knows from that switch that something is different. Harriet What’s the best way to react if she starts getting defensive or doesn’t seem keen?
Lizza: If you’re just going to surprise her by wearing a gimp mask in the bedroom, when you’re usually quite vanilla, I wouldn’t be surprised if she wasn’t keen. But is your whole relationship – not just the sex – stuck in a rut? Maybe start by reintroducing emotional intimacy into other areas of your relationship first, because if you can’t be honest about your feelings then how are you going to ask your partner to go all 50 Shades on your arse?
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