How To Break Up With Someone Without Being Mean

How To Break Up With Someone Without Crushing Their Heart

All relationships inevitably end in one of two outcomes: you're either going to marry them or break up with them. And unfortunately, it's not always the former. So when the feelings fizzle and the relationship has run it's course, your next tough decision is how you're going to break the news.

Fortunately, Dr. Tammy Nelson, relationship expert and a consultant for Ashley Madison has some handy tips for delivering the blow while avoiding the waterworks.

How to do it

It's definitely not easy, says Dr. Nelson.

"When you want out of a relationship, ending it can be difficult. It can be complicated when you don’t know how to extricate yourself," she explains.

"But if you decide to get out, there’s a good way and a bad way to end it. Ending your relationship with integrity and compassion allows you a chance to heal yourself."

Dr. Nelson recommends reminding them how much you enjoyed the the time spent together.

"Depending on what type of relationship you shared, if you talked about a future together, or had a deep emotional bond, you made promises. This means that your partner will feel some pain when you end it, so try to lessen that hurt as much as you can," continues Dr. Nelson.

"Let them know you respect and honour the relationship you have shared. Tell them what you appreciate about the time you spent together. Share something about what you learned about yourself by being with them.

"Then be honest. Stay in your truth. Tell them it’s over for you, and let them know that you don’t want an ongoing friendship, but you will respect their needs and if they want to talk more about the breakup, you will give them time to ask questions and you will answer as honestly as you can."

What Happens In Vegas

Can you avoid doing it in person?

Delivering bad news is never easy so you can be forgiven for wanting to avoid face-to face contact. However, in this instance, it's important to avoid texting or emailing.

"You should always end a relationship with integrity. Do it in person. Tell them what you appreciated about your relationship and what you learned about yourself from being with them," she suggests.

"Apologise for anything you think went wrong, and how your breakup might affect them. Be clear about what you will or will not do going forward. And set some boundaries. Never break up by text or email. And never ever ghost."

When to break up

"There is never a good time to break up with your partner. But common sense would say that you shouldn’t break up when you are on vacation, or at a family gathering. Aside from that, during the holidays is a tough time to break up, since most people don’t appreciate being broken up with directly after a big event."

Dr. Nelson also notes that even if your partner is going through tough times, this shouldn't stop you from ending the relationship. Most people can tell when somethings off and that can only make things worse.

"It doesn’t matter if someone is going through a hard time, like a family issue or a health problem. If you don’t want to be with them, they’ll feel it. Break up with them so they can move on and get the support they deserve, from friends or maybe a new partner," she advises.

"Don’t stay with someone out of pity or because you feel sorry for them. They deserve more than that."

Things to do after.

"Don’t ‘ghost.’ Don’t stop texting or taking their calls. Don’t evaporate from their life. Try to bring things to a close as best as you can. This will keep the relationship from dragging on and also let you keep your self-respect.”

Dr. Tammy Nelson is also the author of When You’re the One Who Cheats and can be found at www.drtammynelson.com