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Bjornsson Deadlifted 1,026 pounds On The Elephant Bar To Win 2020 Arnold Classic
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People Are Sharing Hilarious Ways Real-Life Sex Differs From Porn

"My GF's dog trying his hardest to make this thing a threesome." - by Zachary Zane
  • 04 Feb 2020

Porn isn’t anything like real sex, which is partly why the former is so appealing. It features professionals who won’t accidentally ejaculate within 30 seconds of penetration or get a vicious toe cramp right as things are heating up. That’s not what most people want to see while masturbating. They want to pretend they’re living a sexual fantasy.

WATCH: Do You Masturbate Too Much?

On Reddit user recently asked: “What happens in real life sex that you never see in porn?” Apparently, a lot of things. Within a day, the thread had amassed over 11,000 comments. People were excited to share how messy, awkward, and confusing IRL sex truly is.

Getting interrupted was one of the most common answers. “The kids knocking on the door to tell you something inane," one person wrote. "My GF's dog trying his hardest to make this thing a threesome," another person said.

Pets really love to break up fun sexual encounters, now that we mention it.

“Cat being jealous, jumping on the bed and making a fuss wanting to somehow be a part of it,” one person wrote. “Having to stop for a moment to grab him, carry him out of the bedroom and closing the door. Having to endure constant meowing behind the door. Eyerolling at each other before proceeding.”

“An ex's dog stuck his wet nose between my ass cheeks once,” replied one person.

“My dog sniffed my ex's balls and gave them a quick taste once,” replied another. “Mood got ruined quickly."

RELATED: Pornhub Has Revealed EXACTLY How Australians Watch Their Porn

Then there’s the issue of hearing the doorbell ring, and knowing you can’t ignore it. As one person wrote, “Stopping and throwing on some clothes to quickly answer the doorbell because this is the third time the UPS man has attempted signature delivery of that awesome package you have been expecting and you don't want to drive the 10 miles into the industrial quarter to pick it up from the warehouse tomorrow."

Commenters also reported issues about the awkwardness of certain sexual positions, and how it can lead to pain—you know, elbows digging into ribs; hair being pulled accidentally; a partner putting way too much weight on you.

“How about the old ‘hey! I don't bend like that!’?” a Redditor wrote.

Other replies addressed calf muscle cramps. And one guy simply wrote: “dick cramp.”

Other awkward things that happen during sex involved bodily fluids and functions. “Trying to hold in a fart during sex, only to let out one huge one when you cum,” one person replied.

RELATED: The Truth About How Porn Affects Your Sex Life

“The sweat, jokes and laughter, the surprising amount of air that somehow makes it's way into the vagina and is subsequently forced out by pushing on the tummy,” another person said.

And then there's the cleanup: including, as one person put it, "the waddle to the toilet" before everything drips out.

Then there’s the part of sex that isn’t uncomfortable; it’s just, well, bad:

“Falling asleep during [sex],” one person wrote.

“Stopping oral to remove a pube from your tongue,” said another. 

This article originally appeared on Men's Health

Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane
Zachary Zane is a Brooklyn-based writer, speaker, and activist whose work focuses on lifestyle, sexuality, culture, and entertainment. He was formerly the digital associate editor at OUT Magazine. His work has been featured in Rolling Stone, Washington Post, Playboy, and more.

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