Hi, everyone! I’m Asa Akira, and I’m officially now an unqualified sex and relationship columnist. This is the 2nd instalment of Ask Asa, my column for Men’s Health. I may not have a doctorate (or a bachelor’s degree,) but I HAVE been having copious amounts of butt sex for the last decade, so I’m here to answer all of your sex and relationship questions. If you have any questions for me, shoot them to Men’s Health on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram with the hashtag #AskAsa. Don’t hold back — I certainly won’t.
Should I Tell A Woman About My Foot Fetish On A First Date?
Asa Akira: As long as you don’t mind her telling all of her friends about your fetish after the date (because she 110% absolutely will). Seriously, though, while it might not make for ideal first date conversation, I do think that once she’s made it clear that she’s interested in having sex with you, it’s probably good — exciting, even — for you to reveal your freakier side. Just let her bring up the subject of sex first, because if you bring up your love of toe-sucking before sex is even on the table, I can promise you that you WILL be deemed a creep.
Once you do mention it, however, it’s best to make sure you don’t stay on the topic too long. I think a common misconception re: sexual fetishes is that they’re all-consuming, and that people who have them aren’t interested in anything else. Personally, I love a man with a kinky side, so if he just casually dropped his foot fetish in the conversation, I’d be intrigued. But if all he talked about on our first date was feet, I’d be worried I was just a means to indulging his need to suck on some soles.
So I say keep it light, but go for it! Just don’t be that guy who can guess our shoe size down to the ½; I realise the intention is to impress us, but it comes off as obsessive.
What are the biggest challenges porn stars face when dating?
AA: I don’t care what anyone says: sucking dick on the internet for a living is rough when the majority of the world subscribes to monogamy. Even if the person I’m dating is cool with my career at first, by month three they’re usually asking me how much longer it’ll be until I quit shooting porn.
To make matters worse, while my logical brain believes we shouldn’t have to be sexually exclusive to one person for our whole lives, my heart craves monogamy. My deepest fantasy is that a man will love me so much that he will never let me come in contact with another penis as long as I live, or else he will just explode of jealousy. But of course, my ultimate life dream is to do porn – hence, I will never truly be happy. The end!
Is it weird if I rub one out to a female friend’s Facebook pictures?
AA: Ooohhh, we are entering very delicate territory here that will require Level 10 laser-sharp navigation. Is it weird? If by “weird” you mean “rare,” then the answer is no, not really. In fact, according to a survey from last month, two out of five men admitted to having masturbated to a female colleague’s Facebook photos before. (Perhaps surprisingly, 40% of women admitted to doing the same thing.)
Is it wrong? Well, I don’t believe in the concept of thought-crime, so no, not in theory. But because it’s not something she can actively consent to, I would strongly suggest you keep this to yourself.
Think of it this way: my favourite thing in the world is when people masturbate to me. It is literally my job. But if my guy friends told me I was in their spank bank, even I’d be grossed out. Most women don’t want to hear about their friends’ masturbatory habits; that applies tenfold if their fantasies actually involve them, and a hundredfold if they haven’t signed up for a career like porn, where you consent to people jerking off to your image.
What’s the weirdest thing a fan has ever asked you?
It might not be the weirdest thing, but something I get asked almost daily online is whether or not I can double-cross my legs. For those of you out there who are unfamiliar with this term, double-crossing your legs is when you cross your legs in a seated position (think Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct) and then cross them once more at the ankles. Given how often I am asked this question, I can only imagine this is a fetish. So every once in a while when I’m out in public, I’ll double-cross my legs to see if anyone around me loses their mind. So far, no such luck — but yes, the answer is I can absolutely double-cross my legs.
What what your first porn video like? Was is awkward, nerve-wrecking, scary, etc.?
I kept waiting for it to feel awkward/nerve-wrecking/scary, but it never quite happened. It’s kind of like when you’re waiting for an acid tab to hit, and you’re like, “Am I high? Am I feeling it yet? I think I’m feeling it! Nope, false alarm, nothing yet!”
For me, shooting porn for the first time was like a really heightened sexual experience. The cameras, the crew, the idea of someone masturbating to the final product… it all added to the excitement. It was the best sexual experience of my life up until that point, and even while we were still shooting the scene, I couldn’t wait to tell everyone about it. As soon as it ended, it was one of those things where I was like, “Well, I’m definitely doing THAT again!” I told my boyfriend the next day I was going to California to do porn, whether he liked it or not. He didn’t like it, and he dumped me. And it was worth it.
After having kids, my wife doesn’t like me going down on her anymore, even though it’s one of my favourite things and really helps me get ready for the game. WTF can I do, man? Her lady parts aren’t destroyed!
It sounds like she’s self-conscious, so maybe just give her some compliments to gain her vagina confidence back. Every time you catch a glimpse of her coming out of the shower or changing clothes or whatever, just tell her how beautiful you think she is, and how much her lady parts turn you on. You could even throw in an, “It looks even better now!” to speed things along.
Has working in adult film affected your opinions of the opposite, or even your own sex?
AA: I try to avoid making sweeping generalisations about the genders, but having sex with hundreds of people for the last decade has led me to do so regardless. The main thing I’ve learned is that the horniest women are hornier than the horniest men. I’m not sure where the misconception that men are the more lascivious half of the world came from, but the horniest people I know are all women. It’s possible that it’s just more socially acceptable for men to be openly sexual, while it’s only just now becoming less taboo for women to be open about their sex drives — but personally, I masturbate way more than any guy I know, and the same is true for lots of my female friends.
Which is worse: eating Kit-Kats by biting across all the bars, or wearing socks with flip flops?
What a loaded question! My initial reaction was to declare eating a Kit-Kat without breaking it apart first a crime second to biting into string cheese like a stick. But then I remembered that I eat ass for a living, so perhaps I shouldn’t judge people for their dining mannerisms.
As far as wearing socks with flip-flops goes, it’s never really bothered me, but I’m partial to men who wear basketball shorts under their sweatpants, so I’m probably not a good judge in this category, either. In fact, when I think about it, both of these actions are examples of solid outside-of-the-box thinking and I appreciate that.
Final answer: both eating Kit-Kats by biting across all the bars, and wearing socks with flip-flops are totally OK. Because just think: without non-conformists, the first blow job would likely never have happened.
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health
