There are some things she won't tell you. Maybe she's too shy, too polite, or too afraid to hurt your feelings. So we asked hundreds of women to open up, anonymously. Brace yourself — and get ready to learn a lot, from the women and the experts alike. Then use the intel to make your love life hotter than ever. She'll thank you.
1 SHE MIGHT WANT IT ROUGHER.
Submission and domination fantasies are common among both genders, the Journal of Sexual Medicine reports. In fact, 65 percent of women want to be sexually dominated. "I want him to pull my hair," one woman told Men's Health, while another chimed in, "I love it rough, and I mean really rough."
Suggest Fifty Shades for movie night, says sex therapist Dr Holly Richmond. Yeah, we know, it's cliché, but it's a solid segue. Say "Feel free to laugh, but it's time I learn what the fuss is about," or be flattering and flirty: "I'd like to try that on you."
2 SHE FANTASISES ABOUT WOMEN.
One fantasy you may share: her with another woman. Over half of women fessed up to this one — "girl-on-girl porn is a turn-on," one woman confided — while 58 percent of men in a separate Men's Health Twitter poll want a threesome with their mate and another woman.
"Make it personal: Say the thought of her with another woman turns you on," says sex educator Tina Horn. Watch lesbian and threesome porn with her, but if you're serious about having a threesome IRL, "talk boundaries first."
3 SHE WANTS YOU TO KISS HER MORE.
In our poll, 63 percent of women wished to be kissed more. "He doesn't like making out and it sucks," one woman wrote. "He'll do it if I ask, but barely uses his tongue. I want him to grab me and kiss me, I want to feel that he means it."
When deep kissing only happens in foreplay, you lose the benefits of those great make out sessions of your early days, says Aleece Fosnight, a sexuality counsellor.
Try this: Kiss her for two minutes. That's long enough for nerve receptors in the lips to signal the release of feel-good neurotransmitters. It also increases testosterone, boosting energy and libido.
4 SHE FANTASISES ABOUT OTHER MEN, TOO.
Fantasising about someone else is normal, says Richmond. Think of it this way: She's helping herself climax, which means she values having good orgasmic sex with you. Thoughts are not realities; you're the one she wants inside her. (Same goes for your thoughts, so drop the guilt and enjoy them.)
5 SHE LIKES TO PLAY WITH HER TOYS BY HERSELF.
Many women told us they secretly enjoy frequent battery-powered pleasure — and in our survey, 23 percent said they hide sex toys from their mate. (Too bad — men like to watch.) "I have a much higher sex drive than he does, and I have to take care of myself more than he knows," one woman confessed.
Make sex toy shopping a kinky date night, either in person or online, says Richmond. Ask the staff plenty of questions; they're used to it. If something turns her (or you) on, go for it.
6 SHE FAKES IT. OFTEN.
More than four in 10 women admit this. "I faked almost every orgasm with him the past year," one woman said.
Don't confront her; instead, ask what she likes, or better yet, have her show you, says sex therapist David Ortmann. Say, "I'd love to watch you touch yourself — it would be so hot and help me learn how to touch you."
While she's masturbating, kiss her neck, touch her nipples, caress the back of her knees. Note what she looks like when she comes, and copy some of her touch techniques. Ask easy questions so she can stay in the moment, says psychologist Erica Marchand, Ph.D. "Faster or slower?" "Softer or harder?" Not "What should I do?" Remember, the clitoris is tiny, so small changes make a big difference.
7 SHE MIGHT BE INTO SOME WILD STUFF.
Seven out of 10 women are eager to try something new. Many women said they were interested in trying rimming, as well as "crazy, crazy wild positions. Would be funny just to try them!," one woman wrote.
Make sexual "menus," suggests sex therapist Michael Aaron. You each write down types of sex you're excited to try (green light), curious but nervous to try (yellow), or that are off-limits (red). Then you each pick one green and one yellow from the other's menu. It's fun and helps you practice negotiation, says Aaron.
Apps such as Let's Try It are like this (you each fill out a sex questionnaire, and mutual desires are revealed), but paper is intimate and bonding. "The unknown can really be a turn-on," says sex therapist Michael Salas. "Discovering new things about our partner not only energises us erotically but it energises the connection as well."
8 SHE MAY WANT SEX MORE OFTEN.
Don't assume she's not in the mood. Seven out of 10 women told us they want sex more often, and more romance. I'd want sex more often if it wasn't so chore-like. Seduce me, turn me on!," one woman wrote.
Richmond suggests romantic (and dirty) talk throughout the day. "Foreplay can last all day," she says. Or set up a regular date night. "Dress up. Make an effort, like when you were first dating. Relax and have fun, keeping the tone flirty and romantic. Turn on the charm and curiosity as if you just met. Candles and music are cliches for a reason. Use them."
This article originally appeared on Men's Health