No matter how old or mature you think you are, farting continues to be one of those topics that can’t be discussed in public without regressing to those pre-pubescent days where “pull my finger” would accompany a ripper of flatulence. When you’re at school, a well-timed fart is like a lethal weapon, possessing the ability to clear a classroom quicker than the recess bell on a Friday. The ability to produce such a thing is worn like a badge of honour, you become notorious within your year group, a sort of cult-like figure known for passing wind with such vehemence as to be cool. But as you get older and find yourself in meetings or on a first date, passing wind is something every muscle in your being fights against. Particularly if it’s going to leave a pungent aroma.
Thankfully, it seems a group of people have put their energy towards solving the age-old conundrum of how to get rid of the aroma that follows a fart. Enter: the fart vacuum, or rather, FartVac. Yes, such a thing exists, and the purpose of the FartVac is to reduce the stench of flatulence, serving as an air pump and carbon filter.
If you’re wondering how such a contraption works, the website states: “FartVac removes the fart gas under your clothing and filters it with activated carbon technology. Typically, farts are trapped by our clothing and don’t escape the fibres for about five seconds. This is the time when FartVac can remove and filter them.” But don’t go inserting this into your, you know. A legal disclaimer warns that the product is for external use only and not to be inserted into any part of the body.
According to the product’s official description: “FartVac is the world’s first fart vacuum and filtering system. Using a hand-activated air pump and an activated carbon filter, FartVac reduces the stench of flatulence. It is time to align norms and manners to what is healthy! By taking responsibility and trying to reduce your fart smells, you can now fat without shame - no more pain while fighting nature and holding in gas. Join the proud movement to embrace your body’s natural functions.”
Is there a proud movement, though? We haven’t seen too many people taking to the streets in protest of society’s cues about how to respectfully fart in public, but consider us now on the look out for those wielding fart vacuums in their hands as they proclaim the desire to fart as they see fit, whenever they please.
Still, it seems sales for FartVac are skewed towards those buying it as a gift for someone else, rather than themselves. As the description concludes: “FartVac also makes a great gag or white elephant gift for the gassy people in your life.”
Intrigued? Amused? You can buy the FartVac on Amazon for $11.99.