This plays out in your love life, too, the researchers say. When people had already invested lots of time, money, and effort into a relationship, they were more likely to stick with it even when they weren’t happy.
In other words, couples were more likely to keep on trudging through the misery if they’d been together for several years, had kids, or bought a house together compared to similarly unhappy couples with shorter timelines, no kids, or fewer mutual expenses.
Related: 7 Signs Your Partner Might Be Having An Emotional Affair
The researchers also concluded that it’s often men and not women who are likely to stay in a bad relationship for these reasons. (Women, on the other hand, are more likely to initiate a divorce.)
Megan Close, LMFT, a marriage and family counsellor based in New York City, sees this all the time in couples counselling. Tallying time and credit card charges instead of your emotional needs “often leads to affairs, overworking, and increased separate travel,” she said.
It’s not that we’re masochists – we’re pack animals. “We’re all wired to be together,” Close says. It’s tough to break a long-standing bond. You’ve gotten used to how your partner smells and feels, and those connections are powerful.
Related: 5 Tips For Couples That Constantly Break Up And Get Back Together
Having a positive support system will help. Think about all the aspects of your life. Is your relationship the only outlier in terms of how happy you feel? “The more that you have great things going on at work, and friends, it makes it a lot easier to say ‘this doesn’t really fit in,’” Close says.
It’s not easy. “Staying together is the default,” Close says. Change is hard and messy and sad.
But knowing that and being able to look at your relationship honestly is the first step. Of course, breakups and divorce are terrible, but if you find that your main reasons sticking around are quantifiable things like the time you’ve spent together and the vacations you’ve already booked? It’s time to get out.
The article The #1 Sign It’s Time To Dump Her was originally published on MensHealth.com
