Porn can be an incredibly useful tool in helping us figure out our own bodies, our own sexuality, and our own turn-ons, in a safe and private space. But problems arise when we start to believe that what we see in porn is an accurate portrayal of real world sex — something that a lot of guys seem to do. In a thread on Reddit, women have been sharing the things that their partners have seen in porn and tried to replicate in the bedroom, with less-than-stellar results.
“Grabbing the back of my head and forcing it down,” said one commenter. “I’m sorry I am not a sword swallower, I have actual gag reflexes.” Here’s the thing, guys: porn performers are professionals. They have experience, this is what they do for a living. You can’t hold sexual partners in real life to the same (often physically impossible) standards of a porn actor.
“This idiot guy I was fucking just switched hole on me,” said another. “No warning whatsoever and not even slow. One moment I’m having a lovely time getting fucked, next minute I’m crying in the bathroom with a painful bleeding asshole. He was pleading at the door saying he is inexperienced and saw it in porn. I was traumatised for months.”
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This was a commonly cited occurrence on the thread; apparently guys have seen this in porn so frequently that they think it’s how it happens in real life, forgetting that the time taken to lube up and make the woman comfortable is probably edited out of the final cut. (Not to mention that forcefully initiating anal sex without prior enthusiastic consent is rape.) And this goes even for vaginal penetration; a lack of foreplay and adequate lubrication can make things very uncomfortable for the woman. As one commenter put it: “I need to be properly wet before you shove it in me! Please!”
Other commenters on the thread resented being spat on, manhandled, and having their “boobs treated like a stress ball,” all of which are pretty damning of the aggression and misogyny in straight porn that gets miscategorised as “dominant” behaviour.
“Porn can be problematic if you use it as a how-to guide for sex or assume that porn is an accurate reflection of real-life bodies and sex,” says Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of the blog Sex & Psychology.
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“However, this isn’t to say that porn is inherently bad, because porn can very much be part of a healthy sex life,” he adds. “For example, there’s nothing wrong with using porn as a way of vicariously living out a fantasy or seeking a burst of sexual novelty. Just keep in mind that what you’re watching isn’t a model for sex or the human body.”
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health
