Among the 93 women included in the study, a majority admitted to engaging in consensual sexting even though they weren’t feeling it. Their justification: wanting to fulfil their partner’s needs and be flirtatious. Unless you’re in a long-distance relationship—a situation that necessitates a little digital foreplay—you’re better off leaving the crotch-shots to the skeezy politicians.
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Instead, try these 10 ways to keep things hot—without resorting to your iPhone.
Master the art of the quickie
For one week, have sex at odd hours, and only in places you've never tried before. Don't break any public decency laws, but bring the lovemaking out of the bedroom and into someplace unconventional. And if you always have sex after 9pm, try a nooner.
Not only will it make sex more exciting, you’ll become more aware of your partner’s desires—the when, where, and how of her sexual inclinations, says Guy Blews, author of Realistic Relationships.
Lust Up Your Love Notes
Write out a series of suggestive notes and leave them places you’ll know she’ll find them—like the bathroom mirror or her lingerie drawer, advises Dr. Sadie Allison, author of Tickle My Tush: Mild-to-Wild Analplay Adventures for Everybooty.
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Start out tame and complimentary—“I can’t get over how stunning you look in the morning”—and amp up the heat with each note. Cap off your paper trail with a message in her purse explaining exactly what you’ll do to her when she gets home from work.
Tease, don't please
Agree to engage in 20 minutes of foreplay every day for a week, with the only rule being that you can’t have sex, Allison recommends.
People want what they can’t have. So making intercourse off-limits will crank up the desire. If you break the rule, well that’s not really a loss, is it?
Go beyond missionary
For one month, agree to test out at least one new sex position each week, says Allison. Use your imagination to discover new ways to utilize your flexibility.
“Since your brain is one big muscle, exercising it regularly with new techniques will keep it healthy and strong,” Allison notes.
Uncover her fantasies
Split a bottle of your favourite wine and try to hold each other’s gaze. The first person who blinks or laughs first has to share a naughty fantasy, Allison explains. The vino will take the edge off, but the nature of the game will make sharing less intimidating.
Act out a fantasy
Role playing can help your partner feel free under the covers, because she can put herself in a different mindset, says Scott Haltzman, M.D., an assistant professor of psychiatry at Brown University.
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If you’re just starting out, arrange to bump into each other at a bar outfitted in ways you wouldn’t normally dress, recommends Dr. Karen Sherman, author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last. “This adds intrigue and novelty,” Sherman assures.
Lock lips more often
Deep, tender, passionate kissing is one of the first things that couples abandon—but it’s one of the best ways to make her hot, says Blews.
Grab her in the kitchen while you’re preparing dinner, or the moment she walks in from work. She’ll probably be expecting a peck, but she’ll be pleasantly surprised when you don’t let her go after the initial lip lock, he adds.
Get her wet
Having a loved one lather you up is not only erotic, it taps into deep-seated sensations of being cared for, says Allison.
Soap her up, shampoo her hair, and run your hands all over her body. By the time you’ve finished rinsing off the suds, both of you will be ready to take it to the bedroom.
Embrace the element of surprise
“Sometimes it’s the little things that leave the biggest impression on your lady,” says Allison. Slip something fun into her lingerie drawer—a few new pairs of sexy underwear or a couples sex toy she’s wanted to test out.
“You’ll be surprised how quickly she’ll want to pay back your thoughtfulness—in other ways,” says Allison.
Explore new territory
Caressing her body may be among the fastest ways to turn her on, but long-term couples tend to skip directly to their tried-and-true gropes, says Blews.
Mix it up by slowing things down. Before you kiss her, gently caress her cheeks, ears, and temples with the pads of your fingers. Or instead of going straight for her clitoris during oral sex, warm her up by slowly by kissing and licking little sections of her inner thighs.
This article originally appeared on Men's Health