Q: Isn't it Kind of...Gross?
A: "The biggest misconception about anal sex is that it's disgusting, dirty, messy, or that it hurts," says Greer. Yes, she says that for some people, some of those things may be true. "But everyone should know anal sex can be an extremely erotic, exciting activity," she says. "If you're willing to try it, you might find it an unexpectedly fun addition to your sexual repertoire."
Q: But No Really—Does It Hurt?
A: Research suggests that pain is common, especially in the beginning. However, it definitely doesn't have to hurt—and there are ways to make it pleasurable, not painful. "With adequate relaxation and arousal, it should feel good for both parties," says O'Reilly. "If you find insertion painful or difficult, stop and go back to the drawing board. Get yourself all riled up and excited in your usual reliable manner, and then return to anal play."
Q: How Do I Get Started?
A: "The most important thing is feeling comfortable—you can even wash beforehand if that will help," says Greer. Then, she says, it's all about starting slowly. "You can begin with inserting a finger first and using lube to get comfortable with the pressure in your rectum," she says. "Pay attention to other erotic zones—breasts, neck, etc.—to get excited at the same time as you're being stimulated anally."
O'Reilly suggests dipping your toe into the water before you dive all the way in: "Wait until you’re very close to orgasm before introducing new sex acts—like anal penetration—into your routine," she says. "When you're aroused, the hormonal changes in your body have a palliative effect and help you to relax and experience pleasure more profoundly."
Q: Is Penetration Absolutely Necessary?
A: Nope—you can enjoy butt play even if you're not ready to go all the way just yet. Before you go the penetration route, O'Reilly recommends playing with your "pucker" (a.k.a. your butt hole). She says to, "press, fondle, stroke, and swirl your way around to become more comfortable with pleasurable sensations in the region."
This article was originally published by Women's Health.