You could easily miss Ryan James if you were meeting him for the first time. I do. The image the escort and porn star presents on his website is part James Bond, part sexual Superman. I’m expecting to find a cocksure, well-built Adonis turning heads in our office lobby, somebody’s sexual fantasy come to life. Instead, I find an undeniably handsome, slightly nervous young man, dressed in a checked shirt, jeans and spectacles, who is disarmingly humble and unfailingly polite, a real-life Clark Kent if you will.
As we begin chatting about the ins and outs (sorry) of the escort and porn industries, I keep trying to reconcile this softly-spoken lad with the images on his site and my own preconceptions about men willing to get freaky on film and those who choose to exploit their sexuality for profit. Several times I find myself wondering how he does it? What’s his secret? I can’t speak for the phone-box transformation that must occur when James performs sex on camera, but after a long chat with the young ‘entrepreneur’, a couple of things become clear. For a man who attempts to embody so many women’s fantasies, the 32-year-old from Sydney’s northern suburbs is remarkably down-to-earth, quietly conscientious and, given the subject matter, jarringly honest. Indeed, so dedicated is James to his profession you wouldn’t be surprised if he sets himself KPIs.
Which is handy, because if you’ve ever wondered what it’s really like to be a porn star (of course you have) or have women pay to have sex with you (a mind-bending concept, we know), James is your clear-eyed confidant offering up unvarnished industry insights. A professional, in other words.
QUIT YOUR DAY JOB
“I came from a career in finance. I was just sick of being stuck in an office all day. The idea to get into the adult industry had started after I was out for drinks with friends one night in Sydney. We started talking to a group of girls at Marble Bar at the Hilton. Me and this girl there clicked and we started seeing each other. A few weeks into it, she told me she used to be an escort, then after about a year she said she was sick of her day job and wanted to go back to escorting and get into porn. Because we had quite an unconventional relationship, I was okay with that.
When she told me her plan it sparked the idea that I might want to try the same thing. Prior to that I’d never contemplated the idea of working in the adult industry. It’s just not something you think about. It’s like you’re never going to become an astronaut, so you don’t even think about it. My first thought was, ‘Well, there’s no point in trying because I’d be terrible at it’. Then I warmed up to the idea and figured I’d give it a shot. It was soon after that, in November 2012, that I quit my job in finance. I started working in a gym and became a personal trainer because I thought there wouldn’t be enough work in escorting and porn to do them full time. After a year and a half, I realised I couldn’t do all three, so I dropped the gym job. It just kind of took off.”
THE BOYFRIEND EXPERIENCE
“In terms of the breakdown in my work load, it’s 99 per cent escorting, 1 per cent porn.
I love the freedom escorting gives me. I love the fact that I’m the one in control. And I love that I meet women from all walks of life. There’s a huge variety – students, nurses, doctors, surgeons, lawyers, people from all over Australia and overseas.
There are quite a few between 40 and 65. They might be divorced. They might be very busy with their jobs and if they’re a parent they just don’t have the time or the inclination to date, but they still want to have a sex life.
Other clients could be younger women who might be studying and too busy to date. Or they might even be going on Tinder dates but they don’t want to sleep with the guy on the first date. They still want to have a sex life and so they’ll come straight from a Tinder date to see me. It happens fairly often.
There are also virgins. It may have got to the point where they feel like they’re too old to still be a virgin and they don’t know how to bring it up. This week I’ve seen two clients where it was their first time. It was actually their first time kissing someone.
There are also women who might not feel comfortable dating or there might be anxiety there. Some may have been sexually abused and because of that, they’re just not comfortable going out and meeting a guy. I’ve had clients who will straight up say, ‘I hate men. I hate what they’ve done to me. I hate how they made me feel’. They have ongoing issues and because of that seeing an escort is the safest option they have to see a man.
And there are couples. You could be a fantasy of theirs or perhaps they’ve been together for 20 years or more. They might have been high-school sweethearts, never slept with anyone else and they’re now in their 40s and they’ve decided they love each other deeply but they want to explore a bit more. If I get a couples’ booking, it’s nearly always the guy contacting me and it’s basically a present for his wife. We’ll meet in a hotel. All three of us will chat and have a couple of drinks and then the guy will sit there and I’ll be on the bed with his wife and he’ll just watch.
There’s this thing called cuckolding where the wife is having sex with another guy in front of the husband as a humiliation thing but usually the guy is just turned on by seeing his wife being turned on. They’re still very much in love with each other and bringing a third person into that mix doesn’t detract from what they have. If anything, it’s adding something.
In terms of bookings, there are your regular clients you see once or twice a month. You might go away several times a year with them. There are the semi-regular clients. They’re the ones that you might see once every three months and they might save up for it. And there are the one-off bookings where it could just be a bucket list item for someone. They just want to see an escort once in their life.”
WINING AND DINING
“The most popular service I offer would be the dinner date ($1500 for four hours). It’s essentially a package deal where we go out for dinner first, then we’ll head back to a hotel or their place for a couple of hours.
The stereotype is that women are looking for companionship and men are looking for sex.
It might be because of the way I’ve promoted myself but almost every single booking that I have, we’re having sex. It’s funny because a lot of the female escorts I’ve spoken to will get bookings where they’re not having sex with a client. They’re just there to have a fun night with them.
As for the actual sex, there’s lot of conversation first and then things are usually quite soft and slow. We can go harder if that’s what the client wants but a lot of the time, it’s sensual, it’s intimate, it’s soft, it’s about their pleasure. It’s not very balls-to-thewall, full-on, hardcore sex.
I find that I don’t struggle to get aroused with any of the clients that I see. There’s always something in everyone that you can be attracted to. I spend a lot of time speaking to my clients. It’s cliched but true: the brain is the sexiest organ in the body.”
OFF LIMITS
“I try to keep things very professional because I think once you loosen those boundaries, it can lead to issues. I genuinely like a lot of my clients but inviting them to events in my personal life would be a different story. I keep that quite separate.
If a client becomes attracted to me, I try to maintain professional boundaries so they don’t get unrealistic expectations. I try not to let it become awkward. Part of maintaining boundaries is not giving a client the impression that we’re in a normal relationship. It is a kind of relationship but it’s an escort/client relationship.
Clients can get jealous of other clients and also of the fact that I do porn. So, I don’t talk about other clients. Sometimes, they’ll ask me questions and I just don’t give away details because it can upset them.
I’ve had a few clients I’ve had to cut off over the years. Essentially, it’s when a client has zero respect for my boundaries. The more a client pushes boundaries the more I have to put up walls. A lot of the time the client is pushing because they want the ‘real’ you, without realising that’s actually counterproductive. The less they push, the more I can be me.”
WAGES OF SIN
“Typically, I have up to half a dozen bookings a week of two to four hours, then sometimes get overnights and weekends away. I think this week I have eight bookings.
I’ve got to experience so many different things through escorting. I’ve been skiing, on wine tours, jetskiing, helicopter rides, overseas holidays where I’m staying in fancy hotels for up to three weeks at a time. It’s generally expected that clients are paying all the expenses and they’re also paying your rate.
As far as I’m aware, the majority of guys in Australia that are advertising escort services have day jobs and escorting is just a side gig. Lots of them aren’t getting much work, so for guys who are thinking about doing it, you need to put a lot of effort into marketing yourself, into your photos and into your profile. While the rate for a guy could be $200-$500 an hour, it doesn’t matter if you’re not actually getting any work.
Generally on bookings I wear chinos, dress shoes and a button-up shirt. Wearing more than that is usually too much. It’s more common to get requests to turn up in casual clothing, jeans and a t-shirt, than to dress up.”
DELIVER THE GOODS
“Being a good escort is about being friendly, being able to hold a conversation and making your client feel relaxed. A lot of the time, if you’re seeing a client for the first time, they might not have even been on a date in several years. So, they’re quite nervous about the fact that they’re going to be having sex tonight for the first time, possibly in years. You need to pay attention to what they’re saying and their body language and be able to read what they want. If they can’t articulate what it is that they actually want in bed, it’s your job to try and figure that out and give it to them. It’s about putting aside your own sexual desires in order to give them what they want, remembering it’s about them. They are paying for a service. At the same time, what they want is you.”
THE PORN IDENTITY
Beforehand, the company had told me to go and get tested because everyone in porn has to get tested before they work. I remember turning up to this apartment in Bondi Junction and feeling incredibly nervous. I really had no idea what I was doing. I met the girls that I was going to be working with. The crew were setting up the lights and sound equipment and positioning cameras. The girls were getting their makeup done.
Before we started filming we did a dry run through the scene taking pictures. So, I knew what they wanted from me. I was still super nervous, but they started filming and I just had to roll with it.
To be honest, I was surprised by how well I performed. I think I just had this image of male porn stars where they seemed like a different breed. Then you actually end up on set and you realise they’re mostly pretty normal, both the guys and the girls. I really enjoyed it.”
SHOOT TO THRILL
“I’ve never had any sort of routine before a scene. I just try not to have a big night the night before and try to turn up on time. I think if you do that, you’re going to turn up relaxed and ready to go. I’ve always been able to perform and I think that’s a big reason why I’ve got a lot of work over the years.
I still get nervous sometimes, probably more so from the intro part of the scene because there’s acting and I’m just a terrible actor. So, I’m running through my head, ‘Okay, what’s the situation today? Am I a pizza delivery boy? Am I a lawyer that’s counseling a woman through a divorce because her husband cheated on her?’ When it gets to the actual sex, I’m generally pretty fine with that. Because you’ve done a dry run, I’ll just be thinking in my head, ‘All right, what are we doing first? What position is next?’ Sometimes they want you to be pretty close to what they’ve storyboarded. Other times, they might just say, ‘You do whatever you want and we’ll just capture whatever you do’. So, you might kiss for a bit and then a bit of oral and then intercourse in the positions they’ve scripted and then the cum shot. You try and put on a bit of a performance, give the viewers what they want, but at the same time, you just kind of do what comes naturally.
Sometimes it can be very clinical, especially if you don’t have a lot of chemistry with the other performer, which sometimes just happens. It doesn’t mean they’re bad at their job. It doesn’t mean you’re bad at your job. Sometimes it might be very clear they’re just there for the pay cheque, so they’re not really interested in the sex part of the scene. Other times, there can be a lot of chemistry and it’s very intimate. Usually you’re attracted to the person or people that you’re working with but at the same time, you’re always kind of thinking, ‘This is a performance, what’s going to look good on camera?’ A lot of the positions you see in porn are quite unnatural because you’re trying to let the camera get a good view of what’s going on.
I actually joke sometimes that I’m essentially just a stunt cock and it’s true that most porn is made for the male gaze. Most porn is marketed towards men and the reality is that men are the largest consumers of porn.”
CAMERA SHY
“I think the funny thing with porn is that performance anxiety is an issue for the majority of guys. You’ve got the pressure of performing, multiple people are looking at you, you’ve got a camera in your face and you’ve got the girl lying down in front of you. It can be a very cosy situation and I guess a lot of people are not entirely comfortable having a whole bunch of people watching them so closely. I personally haven’t had any issues, either in my civilian sex life or in porn.
I would say that while it’s a prerequisite to be well endowed, a lot of the time it’s not about which guy has the biggest dick but who is the most reliable in terms of actually turning up on the day and just simply being able to perform. I can’t remember ever being asked how big I was. I guess they would generally want you to be at least average. I used to think I was below average, then when I started making porn, I discovered I was maybe slightly above average. But they definitely don’t place a huge emphasis on it. If you ask most girls, a lot of them would say that it’s not the size that counts. It’s everything else. It’s your oral skills. It’s how you treat her.
In terms of the performance, it’s a learning experience. You can try and practise beforehand, but you don’t ever want to jerk off before a scene. Generally, you just want to try and get some good camera angles and just do what comes naturally.
There are scenes that involve other men. It could be a threesome with two guys, so you can be bumping up against each other but you’re not doing anything sexual. We’re all there to do a job. In Australia especially, we usually already know each other. We could all be friends outside of work. In fact, there are a lot of girls I’ve worked with that I’m friends with. It can be strange sometimes when you’re platonic friends, then the scene starts and it’s like a switch has been flipped. But you do the scene and then you’re instantly back to being platonic friends. Like even when you say goodbye, you just kiss them on the cheek.”
STRAPPED FOR CASH
“There can be seedy sides to the industry. The seediest part would be the average guy with a camera who fancies himself a porn star and he’ll go and contact all the girls trying to convince them to film with him.
The majority of the companies I’ve worked for have been very good to work with. You always get paid on the day, either in cash or bank transfers.
But there’s nowhere near as much money as people might think because no one pays for porn. The majority of people who do porn are making most of their income from other sources. A typical scene in Australia pays anywhere from $250 to $800 but you can be on set for up to eight hours.
On the whole I’d say it’s a good community. I once went on a seven-hour road trip through Europe and there was a big group scene with about 50 people in it. I’m still in touch with some of those people to this day. It can be a good way of meeting people and making friends.”
SWITCH OFF THE CAMERA
“I’m currently single and I haven’t been in a relationship for a while. That’s not because of the work that I do because a surprising number of women don’t really have an issue with it. The difficulty is that I travel so much. There have been years in the past where I’ve been out of Sydney for eight months of the year.
To be honest, I don’t really feel the need to seek out girls in my personal life. I can’t remember the last time I tried to pick up a girl in a bar.
My job isn’t an issue at all for my friends. My family don’t really understand it, especially why I feel the need to make it public. But they don’t treat me any differently. It’s just not something we talk about.
The way I have sex in my personal life is very different to what I do in porn. It’s actually very different between porn and escorting as well. When you don’t have cameras there and it’s just you and a girl, it’s a lot more intimate. It’s not about what looks good, it’s about what feels good. I think that’s the main difference.”
