Ask the MH girls the questions you can’t ask anyone else. They’re three women who speak their mind, so don’t expect sugar-coated answers. Today we’re asked: My girlfriend doesn’t think much of my mum and dad. I see their faults but, hell, they’re my parents and decent people. Is this a deal-breaker?
Becky: My first question would be, have your parents acted in a certain towards your GF for her to feel the way she does?
Jess: Agreed. Why don’t they get along? And is there something you could do to help facilitate a better relationship? I feel like everyone in these situations leans on the line that “you’re dating the person, not their family”, but I’d be wary of taking that line of advice.
Nik: Yeah, surely her opinion of your mum and dad could change . . .
Becky: If not, then bad feelings between my partner and my parents would certainly be a red flag for me.
Nik: For me, too. Anything that would make family events awkward or tense would be a dealbreaker.
If I’m thinking about a long-term relationship, the person I’m with needs to get along with my family.
Becky: People come and go, but fam is forever.
Jess: Where this really gets tricky is if it’s a difference of values, religion or culture, and there’s a reluctance on either side to be accepting or to communicate. If that’s the case, I’d say it’s a dealbreaker. Get-togethers and holidays are stressful enough without having to choose between your partner and your family.
Nik: Exactly. Though I find the wording interesting: “doesn’t think much of”. If there’s no bad blood, then surely there’s room for her to get to know your parents a bit better, LK.
Jess: Yeah. I mean, you don’t say how long you’ve been together, but there’s always a period in any relationship when you’re getting to know your partner’s family. This can be an awkward process, but first impressions or even early impressions
can change.
Becky: I’d recommend an open and honest conversation about why she feels the way she does. If what’s behind her misgivings are only surface-level feelings, then maybe you have a future together.
Jess: But if there’s no genuine interest in finding ways to get along, then it’s bye-bye.
