Except for the times when my female partners have masturbated after we had sex because I finished too quickly, I haven’t been with a woman who masturbates with me. Clearly, what I've experienced doesn’t count as mutual masturbation. It counts as Zach doing a bad job at sex, and my female partners indirectly saying, “You done messed up. I guess if I want to get the job done right, I’m going to have to do it myself.”
ANYWAY. Mutual masturbation is great for a lot of reasons, no matter who your partner is. When you think of mutual masturbation, you might wonder: “Why not just have sex?” But come on, you and I both know there are plenty of reasons why you might not want to—the main one being you’re too tired, but still want to orgasm.
WATCH: 4 Reasons You Should Masturbate Tonight
Reasons to Try Mutual Masturbation
As someone who has experience doing this with men, I’m going to provide seven reasons why you should try mutual masturbation with your partner(s)—of any gender. After, I'll give you a few tips on exactly how to do it.
1) You're too tired to bone.
Sometimes, after a long day’s work, you’re too tired to have sex with your partner, but you still want to get off. Instead of masturbating in the shower, why not masturbate with them? Seeing the real thing is a lot better than using your imagination. Also, this way, your partner gets to get off, too. Lastly, it can be weirdly intimate making eye contact with your partner while both of your orgasm together.
2) You learn exactly what they like.
You will see your partner doing something to themselves that you've never done to them before. It'll give you ideas for how to spice up your sex life when you actually do have penetrative or oral sex. Or, conversely, say this is the first time you’re hooking up. You will see exactly what the other person likes, so when you do eventually have sex, you’ll know—for example—how she likes her clitoris played with and whether she likes hard thrusts for penetration or something gentler.
3) You can play with toys!
Still on the fence about using sex toys as a couple? Mutual masturbation is a simple way to ease into sex toys by watching your partner masturbate with one. It makes the transition to using them during sex much smoother! It’s also cool for your partner, because there are certain toys she’ll never get to see in action unless she watches you masturbate.
4) It’s easier to finish.
You know what you like. You know what feels good. You’ve masturbated to completion thousands of times in your life. Sometimes, we get too in our heads during sex, and it makes it difficult to finish . During solo time, that’s hardly ever a problem. So mutual masturbation is like solo time, just with a partner. Maybe you get a big cheer when you finish too. How nice is that?
5) It switches things up.
Mutual masturbation is a form of sex. Is it penetrative or oral sex? No, obviously not. But if you only do one or two kinds of sex all the time, it can get boring! Sure, you can switch up positions, and that might help, but maybe the answer is mutual masturbation. You won’t know until you try.
6) Neither of you has a condom.
There's a deep karmic irony when it comes condoms. Whenever you bring one out with you, you don't need it. The one time you forget, the person you find most attractive in the entire world will come up to you at the bar, and say they want to screw your brains out. Just because you don't have a condom doesn't mean you can't fool around. You can masturbate together!
7) It’s hot AF.
I wouldn’t recommend this if I didn’t get aroused by it. It’s like watching porn, but better. You get to embrace BOTH your voyeuristic and exhibitionist sides simultaneously. It’s hot seeing your partner get off. It’s hot having your partner watch you get off. It’s just hot, all around. It’s a win-win here.
Mutual Masturbation Tips
Alright, now that I've gone ahead and explained why you should try mutual masturbation with your partner, here are some tips for making the experience especially sexy.
1) Try different positions.
Both of you don't need to be on your backs, masturbating side-by-side. Of course, you can do that, but you can also try different positions where you're touching. Personally, I find it really hot when my partner masturbates while straddling me. That way, it feels up close and personal, and usually, I end up with some of their fluids on my chest, which I find pretty damn hot.
2) Make prolonged eye contact.
I've made this claim before, but I believe that prolonged eye contact during sex is 5th base. Looking deep into your partner's pupils as they experience pleasure isn't just intense, it's a powerful bonding experience. The same holds true with masturbation. It is intimate AF to look at your partner while one of you orgasms. You will feel a deeper connection afterward, guaranteed.
3) Dabble in some verbal dominance/submission.
Mutual masturbation can be kinky and a form of BDSM. Tell your partner (or have them tell you) exactly what it is you want them to do. How do you want them to touch themselves?Tell them to speed it up, slow it down, apply more pressure, or touch a different part of their body. You can also tell them to edge themselves, only allowing them to orgasm once they have your permission. There are a limitless number of commands you can tell your partner while mutually masturbating. Get creative.
This article originally appeared on Men's Health