Winter is coming. If you’ve been in Sydney for the last week, you’ll be aware of just how freezing the temperatures are about to get. Though there is something to be said for the change of seasons, the foliage that comes to clutter the sidewalk, and the fact that icy temperatures and harsh winds mean you can now oder hot chocolates at your local cafe without sounding like a prepubescent child, you have to spare a thought for the single people. At night when temperatures drop, facing cold sheets alone is an almost harrowing ordeal. To get warmer, you need to move closer but when there’s no body you can spoon for added warmth, you have to resort to things like Long Johns, thermals, or, in this case, a crochet penis blanket. No, really.
If you thought you’d seen it all by now, think again. Thanks to one loving person out there, you can find comfort in the warmth of a handmade crochet blanket that’s perfectly shaped like a giant penis. Yep, simply hop inside the shaft and completely cocoon yourself. Even your feet experience the warmth thanks to the crochet balls.
This penis blanket is available on Etsy however shipping is reserved to a select few locations. As for just how much it will set you back, it retails for $150 which, given the crochet design and striking resemblance to that which it was based on, we think it’s quite the bargain.
A description for the item reads: “Would you like to have a different and funny blanket? This Penis blanket with hoodie is wrapped around your feet and then stretches back and lies on your body. This blanket will come in its cover with its balls and you will need to inflate the balls.” It’s made of 100 per cent acrylic yarn, tricot fabric and comes with those removable inflatable beach balls.
For the penis-inclined, it seems Etsy is your go-to destination. Simply peruse the site and you’ll find such things like a penis-beer-can-cover, or a bag of dicks all of which are made from handmade crochet stitching. It’s a wild, wild web indeed.