The female orgasm is a tricky thing to master—but lesbians have somewhat of an advantage here. They understand exactly what sex feels like for a woman both physically and mentally, so they're in a better position to take their time with certain behaviors that build toward climax, says lead study author David Frederick, Ph.D., assistant professor in health psychology at Chapman University.
So before you get too discouraged, take a page from their playbook. Here are three things lesbians understand about the female orgasm—and how you can learn from them.
LESBIAN ORGASM TIP #1: IT TAKES TIME
The duration of sex—starting the clock at foreplay—is one of the strongest predictors of orgasm for women, second only to receiving oral sex, the researchers found. The problem is, men usually get turned on easier and faster than women, which can cut your session short.
On the other hand, lesbian couples typically have no problem taking their time, Frederick explains. In fact, 74 percent of lesbian women reported having sex for 30 minutes or longer during their last sexual encounter. Less than half of straight women met the half-hour mark, the researchers found.
So aim for 30 minutes or longer in bed, including foreplay, suggests Frederick.
Which brings us to our next point…
LESBIAN ORGASM TIP #2: ORAL SEX IS KEY
Oral sex is the single most important predictor of whether or not a woman will orgasm, says Frederick.
Lesbians are much less likely to focus on vaginal intercourse and rely on oral sex to get each other off, he explains.
LESBIAN ORGASM TIP #3: PLEASURE IS A TWO-WAY STREET
When straight couples have sex, they tend to follow a script: Intercourse happens, you orgasm, sex ends, and you probably fall asleep, says Frederick.
So what do gay women do differently?
“With lesbian women, there might be more of a “turn-taking” norm,” says Frederick. “One person orgasms and then the other person is brought to orgasm. There isn’t necessarily that same ‘one-person-orgasms-and-sex-is-over’ type scenario that you see in heterosexual couples.”
Here’s what you can do if you fall into that rut: Bring her to orgasm before intercourse even starts (ahem, refer to tip #2), suggests Frederick. You can also try manually stimulating her clitoris duringsex to increase the chances of both of you climaxing together.
This article originally appeared on Men's Health