Enough people are anxious about dirty talk that the phobia has a name: sexual communication apprehension (or “SCA,” if you’re a scientist or if your apprehension is so severe that even the word “sexual” gives you sweaty palms). Your level of SCA is closely tied to your sexual self-esteem: A 2012 study showed that the more confidence you have in yourself as a sexual person, the more comfortable you’ll be not just with dirty talk, but with all kinds of sexual communication. The study even showed that men with higher sexual self-esteem have a much easier time discussing birth control and STDs.
The relationship between sexual self-esteem and dirty talk goes both ways, though: The more confident you are, the easier dirty talk is for you; the more you deploy dirty talk the more confident you’ll seem. Fake it ‘till you make it. Here’s what to say:
“I want to fuck you.”
In porn, men are always talking about the really gnarly things they want to do to women: “I want to ruin your pussy.” Maybe that’s not on-brand for you. Maybe you’re more of a lover than a pussy-ruiner, and calling someone a “dirty little whore” or telling them you want to come all over their chest makes you uncomfortable. In that case, just say “fuck” a lot. You don’t even have to be specific about where or how you want to fuck someone, you can just say “I want to fuck you.” You can even just say the word “fuck” over and over, and it will make you sound passionate and confident.