What Your TV Crush Says About You | Men's Health Magazine Australia

What Your TV Crush Says About You

Anthony is sure he’s found the perfect woman. She’s a platinum blonde with green eyes and a smoking body. Literally: the last time he saw her, she was emerging naked from a burning temple, having just obliterated the Dothraki oppressors who tried to enslave her. There is one downside: this perfect woman is not technically real.

The object of Anthony’s affection is Daenerys Targaryen, the Mother of Dragons from HBO’s Game of Thrones, played by 30-year-old actress Emilia Clarke. But that little detail doesn’t bother Anthony. He remembers every second of her naked fire scene.

Even if Daenerys isn’t your cup of sexy, you’ve no doubt had impure thoughts about at least one character on the small screen. “Media shapes the way we view love and relationships,” says Dr Julia Lippman, a media researcher at the University of Michigan. “People tend to adopt the beliefs and expectations about romance they see portrayed on TV every night.”

The small-screen women we idealise are windows into our subconscious, hinting at what we want from real, flesh-and-blood women. Here are a few examples of what your favourite TV leading lady might reveal about your innermost desires.

1. THE ARSE-KICKING ALPHA FEMALE

EXAMPLES
Michonne – 
The Walking Dead
Daenerys – Game of Thrones
Maeve Millay – Westworld

DEFINING CHARACTERISTICS

She takes no prisoners and suffers no fools. The odds are against her, but she’ll rise from the ashes anyway and destroy anyone who gets in her way. Men who cross her may be burned alive, stabbed or have their fingers snapped for sport (“Don’t be a baby. I only sprain. Next one I break”). Accessories include scalpels, arrows, Japanese swords and dragons.

WHAT THE ATTRACTION MEANS

In your workplace you’re probably giving the orders, not taking them. There’s a link between men who openly like being dominated and high social status, according to German research. It’s called “disinhibition”, which means the more powerful you are in your daily life, the less inhibited you feel. Biological anthropologist s Dr Helen Fisher says men who like powerful women “are looking for someone who’s well educated, financially independent, and intellectually gifted”. In other words, a fearless, assertive woman who hopefully won’t disembowel you if you cross her.

2. THE TRAIN WRECK

EXAMPLES
Selina Meyer – Veep
Amy Schumer – Inside Amy Schumer
Every character – Girls

DEFINING CHARACTERISTICS

She can’t hold down a job, drinks heavily and curses like a sailor. Interests include drugs, ED visits and having regrettable sex. Even in a position of authority, she’ll manage to screw up. (Questionable tweet? It was Chinese hackers!) She’s definitely not a girl you bring home to Mum, but she might need saving by the right guy.

WHAT THE ATTRACTION MEANS

You love spontaneity, especially when you’re not the instigator. “Everything about her is sexy and dramatic and unpredictable, and you’re just along for the ride,” says Dr Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First. You may also have a saviour complex, says psychologist Dr David Frederick, who researches long-term relationships. “Some men see the train wreck as a damsel in distress, and they want to come to the rescue,” he says. A downside: “Men will stay in a bad marriage a long time if they feel needed,” Fisher says. “It plays right into one of their basic primordial needs.”

3. THE LONG SUFFERING CARETAKER

EXAMPLES
Marge Simpson – T
he Simpsons
Carmela Soprano – The Sopranos
Skyler White – Breaking Bad

DEFINING CHARACTERISTICS

No matter how badly her man behaves, she’ll persevere with a smile and clean up the mess. He’s a mob boss who works out of a strip club? No problem! He’s been secretly cooking meth to pay the bills? Fine! She may threaten to leave him but she’ll never follow through, because only she understands that he’s a harmless larrikin on the inside.

WHAT THE ATTRACTION MEANS

You’re not a fan of relationship conflict. In fact, your idea of the perfect woman is somebody who will acquiesce to pretty much anything. If your early bond with your mother was weak, you might avoid conflict and struggle to deal with stress, says Dr Jessica Salvatore, a psychology professor at Virginia Commonwealth University. “Picking a romantic partner who never complains makes this easier,” she says. But Dr Michael Bennett, psychiatrist and the co-author of F*ck Love, warns that such a caretaker tends to become focused on the neediest family member, and “you’ll be left out in the cold”.

4. THE SEXY NERD

EXAMPLES
Liz Lemon – 
30 Rock
Abby Sciuto – NCIS
Jess Day – New Girl

DEFINING CHARACTERISTICS

She’s quirky, neurotic, awkward, smarter than everyone around her and prone to acts of weirdness. In a word, “adorkable”. When her librarian glasses come off, she doesn’t turn sexy – she puts on pyjamas and binges on Dr Who. She’s not afraid to give herself a high- five, but she’s insecure about everything else. You may be the only two people in the universe who appreciate each other.

WHAT THE ATTRACTION MEANS

You might think you’re a weirdo, but fancying a woman who has a deep knowledge of Star Wars trivia isn’t unique. You’re actually in the majority: more men than women tend to be attracted to non-conformists, say researchers from the University of Queensland. Kerner suspects that we like cute nerds because of their vulnerability. Sure, Liz Lemon is smart but she’s not threatening. “She seems more approachable,” Kerner says.

On the other hand, a 2015 study found that while men may prefer brainy women from afar, in reality they shy away from a partner who can outsmart them.

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