Q. Dinner? Movie? Tenpin bowling? What do you reckon is the best bet for a first date?
A. Pick something where you’ll be comfortable. Taking her rock climbing may appear adventurous, but it’s not going to work if you climb like a horse. Then try to incorporate her likes into the plan. She mentioned her love of the beach? Go for a stand-up paddle. But skip the movies. First, it’s dark. Where’s the fun in looking at a silhouette for two hours? Second, you can’t talk. And last, why pay for screen time when you can “Netflix and chill”?
Q. Come summer, the girls in my office dress pretty foxily. Is that for the guys’ benefit or are they competing with one another?
A. No deal, Eddy. I’d like to lock in C: we dress for ourselves. As flattering as it’d be to hear that we wake up each morning conjuring up fashion sexy enough to rate as water-cooler fodder, we don’t. Most gals are motivated by more pressing factors, like what makes them feel good, what’s already ironed, or what’s quickest to throw on after smearing peanut butter down the front of our frock. And this theory you have about female colleagues harbouring deep-seated competitive resentments for one another? Ditch it. Sure, there’ll be exceptions to the rule, but most women are sensible enough to wear what they want and hold down meaningful relationships with their workmate maidens.
Q. I like to wear T-shirts that grip like a boa constrictor. Am I trying too hard?
A. Ah yes, I do believe the 11th commandment was “Know thy body and dress accordingly”. But few fellas follow this rule. As the question goes, if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? A similar concept could apply to guys’ dress choices: if you don’t wear a tight tee, was that last HIIT session worth it? But unless you look like Adam Scott, I’d give up the grip. Or at least wear a shirt on top. If a girl really wants to see what lies beneath, she’ll find a way.
Q. After shedding 10 kilos with CrossFit, I can’t help notice my girlfriend’s generous proportions. Hints aren’t working. Are we doomed?
A. Few people like to hear they’ve blossomed. But I get it – you’re riding the health train and your lady is stuck on the platform. But be gentle and think back to you pre-CrossFit lack of motivation. Well, that’s probably a reflection of her headspace. Help her find a reason to get in shape that resonates deeper than your preferences. If she’s intrinsically motivated to get moving, voluntary burpees will follow.
Q. Would a woman really care if I didn’t go down on her? I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.
A. It’s a tricky skill to master, but do us a favour: ask for help. Four simple words: “What do you like?” Most girls will be thrilled with your consideration, especially if it means we get to bypass someone blindly bashing around down there. Post Q&A session, practise, practise, practise. When you do travel south, remember that the big O won’t always be the ultimate outcome. As John Mayer once mused, our bodies are wonderlands, so have fun exploring.
