“The one that sticks out was the first time we made love without birth control,” says Abby,* 44, married to Frank, 41. “It just felt so much more intimate—after years of using condoms, there was literally nothing between us. And of course the fact that we were ready to make another human being with each other was insanely romantic.”
Try it: This kind of intimacy isn’t just about ditching protection (and we don’t need to tell you to use protection if you’re not in a monogamous relationship). To achieve this level of closeness while still playing it safe, take extra time touching each other during foreplay.
*All names have been changed.
“When we first met as grad students, we snuck out onto a closed miniature golf course, played a game of strip golf, and then did it doggystyle, right there on the green,” says Dave, 39, married to Donna, 35.
Try it: Want your sex life to feel this spontaneous? Try doing it somewhere different; even just another room in your house can feel adventurous.
“For his 40th, I gave my husband something he’d been begging for forever: sex with me and another woman,” says Daphne, 43, married to Alan, 45.
“I think we were all nervous, which added to the excitement,” Daphne says. “The highlight was seeing my husband so turned on by watching me with our friend.”
Try it: Not interested in including others in your relationship? Talking about your fantasies with one another can actually be just as hot as going through with it. Be sure to include plenty of details.
“My husband and I rented a villa in the Caribbean for our 10th wedding anniversary, and ended up having the best sex of our marriage, so far, in the private swimming pool,” says Carla, 36, married to Jack, 41.
“At one point,” she says, “a handyman came up to the house and my husband just yelled for him to please come back later. We started laughing hysterically and then took things inside to the bedroom.”
Try it: Even if you can’t take an exotic trip, recreate that vacation sex vibe by unplugging from the world and doing it during daylight hours.
“When my husband first took me home to meet his parents, we were expected to sleep in separate bedrooms since we weren’t engaged,” says Arlene, 40, married to Shawn, 40.
“But that didn’t stop me from going down on him in his childhood bedroom,” Arlene says. “I still make fun of him for the Debbie Gibson poster he had on his wall!”
Try it: Visit a place that you went to on one of your first dates—or where you had great sex—to bring back those loving feelings.
“On our most recent vacation, my wife and I took a train from Russia to France,” says Ken, 48, married to Josie, 46. “There was something so memorable and exhilarating about being on top of her in our sleeping compartment as the train sped into the night.”
Try it: Park somewhere secluded and make love in the car. Just make sure you don’t get caught.
“The most memorable sex would have to be our first trip by ourselves after having kids,” says Denise, 36, married to Jay, 37. “My husband will tell you that I was very vocal during all the daytime sex we had.”
Try it: Have sex while the kids aren’t home, and get loud. No opportunity for that? Try talking dirty in bed tonight.
“I had always been interested in trying anal sex, but I was also very nervous,” says Sherrie, 38, partner of Tom, 42. “One night I positioned myself just so he knew what I wanted. We took things really slow and it was not painful, just extremely sensual.”
Try it: Not for you? Even trying a new position can be surprisingly invigorating; here are 11 new ones you should try!
“The sexiest sex of our relationship happened when we reconciled after a year-long separation,” says Sandy, 43, married to Doug, 49. “The time apart gave me a chance to feel all that I was missing. We spent an entire weekend in bed together, naked.”
Try it: Taking a sex break for a week or two can really build anticipation and appreciation.
The article originally appeared on Prevention