Top Five Sex Myths: Rumours About Sex

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Remember adolescence, when you actually used to believe some pretty wild things about sex? Well, the truth is there are a bunch of myths, fabrications, falsehoods, inaccuracies, and misinformation floating around when it comes to s-e-x. Sadly, many of these crazy myths can lead to mass chaos and confusion for many couples, who simply want to enhance their intimacy. Even worse many of these so-called “urban legends” can invade and destroy perfectly good sex lives and relationships.

What kinds of myths are running rampant in the land of sex? Well, there’s the idea that you think about sex more often than your partner... Or, that you’ve had more lovers than your lady… Some men even believe (falsely) that the ultimate marker for “satisfying sex” is somehow connected to how many orgasms their partners have during intercourse. Guess what? You’re probably wrong-wrong-wrong.

Unfortunately, most people, male and female, get duped by dubious sex myths and other falsehoods. Therefore, there is a good chance you may be totally “off” when it comes to what makes the sex good, and what is expected of men during sex play. The good news is, this article will help put the kibosh on destructive sex myths, so you can re-evaluate what great sex means to you.

**5 Sex Myths That Are Definitely Not True**

Myth #1: Men think more about sex and have more sex than women

This is a common one, but it is far from true. According to a study on sex myths and sexual stereotypes in men and women, men typically don’t think about or have sex nearly as much as they proclaim to women. When male participants were asked to recall their sexual activities, they exaggerated about how much sex crossed their minds, and how much they had of it each month. More specifically, researchers found that male participants, in comparison to the female ones, were more likely to exaggerate when asked about how much they thought about sex, how often they actually had sex, and how many orgasms their partners had during intercourse.

The researchers concluded that many of the men’s exaggerations stemmed from sex myths or sexual stereotypes. In other words, the men internalised the sexual inaccuracies they heard throughout the years. In turn, these “folklores” influenced their perceptions of what constitutes “good and great sex.”

For instance, a man, who believes a certain sex myth, will try to convince himself that he is into “having sex all of the time” - not because he actually wants to “have sex all of the time," but because he has been told or assumes that it’s important for men to always behave as “sexual aggressors” or “sex fiends” during sexual activities. Because of this myth, and many like it, many men “overstate” their interests in sex, how often they have it, and how many penetration-based orgasms they give your partner during sex. It’s part peer pressure and part social pressure, and many times, it leads to stalled sex lives and damaged relationships.

So, the moral of the story is…even if you think you know all there is to know about sex, you’re probably wrong

Myth #2: Erectile Dysfunction Drugs (Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra) can help you last longer during sex

There is a sex myth running rampant through relationships is that taking Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra can help men with premature ejaculation stay “hard” and “ready” during and long after sex. In other words, these men believe they can stay erect even after ejaculation, for long periods of time, so they can have multiple rounds of hot, steamy sex with their partners.

Fact: Once you ejaculate, you lose your erection. This applies even if you take an erectile dysfunction drug before sex. These drugs only help you “last longer” in bed, if you have an erection issue. It doesn’t work the same way, if your problem is that you ejaculate too quickly. You can learn more about why Viagra doesn’t work for premature ejaculation here.

The good news is, there are many ways to treat premature ejaculation. Available treatment methods to delay ejaculations include: topical anaesthetics or numbing creams, gels, and sprays, pain relievers, behavioural modification exercises aimed at teaching the mind how to properly identify the “point of no return” or when an orgasm or “release” is approaching.

In some cases, antidepressants are also prescribed to reduce chronic episodes of premature ejaculation.

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Myth #3: A man must maintain an erection to enjoy sexual activities

Fact: You can have an amazing sexual experience with or without an erection. In fact, you don’t need an erection to engage in foreplay. Stimulating your partner during foreplay can be extremely sensual and enjoyable. The key is to relax your mind, so you don’t become overly focused on your sexual performance.

Stressing over whether or not you are performing satisfactory during sex can lead, in some cases, to performance anxiety. And, performance anxiety can make sexual activities a lot less…fun. The truth is, most women really enjoy foreplay – even without penetration.

In fact, some women even prefer sensual touching, kissing, cuddling, and sex play to actual intercourse. For these women, foreplay and intimacy leads to some mind-blowing orgasms – no erection required.

Myth #4: Men must ejaculate to have satisfying sex

Fact: A common sex myth that many couples believe is that the man must ejaculate for sex to be satisfying. What happens next? Well, if you have this belief, you and your partner probably work feverishly to get that to happen. In other words, you both become so focused on your “release” that you lose touch with the ultimate goal of sex – to experience a deeper connection with someone and to actually have fun doing it.

Truthfully, however, couples can experience immense sexual satisfaction - without ejaculating. In other words, ejaculating is not a pre-requisite for a good sexual experience. So, the best thing you can do for yourself and your partner is to stop focusing on ejaculation and start focusing on each other. Learn each other’s bodies and sensual areas, and reconnect with each other. If you can put this sex myth to rest, you’ll have some of the best sex in your life.

Myth #5: The only way to ensure a woman is sexually satisfied is to give her penetration-based orgasms

Fact: According to a study on female orgasms, only 20 per cent to 30 per cent of women experience pentation-based orgasms – orgasms from intercourse alone. In addition, not all orgasms are the same. More specifically, the intensity and frequency of orgasms can change each time a woman has intercourse. For instance, your partner may have an earth-shattering orgasms one time and 3, 4, 5, or 6 softer ones the next time. Or, she may not any at certain times.

It doesn’t mean she didn’t have an orgasm or two or three from non-penetration practices like foreplay. Just keep in mind that your partner’s orgasms may be different each time she has sex with you. Sometimes she may have multiple penetration-based orgasms and sometimes she may not. And, it’s all okay. Penetration-based orgasms are not required to have fantastic sex.

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Myth 6: The bigger the penis – the better

One of the biggest sex myths offenders is that the bigger the penis – the better. The truth is, your penis size isn’t nearly as important as you think it is. In fact, bigger doesn’t always mean better. A common misconception is that having a large or extra-large penis in width and length is a symbol of “manliness” and sexual vigor.

Fact: Most women don’t want to have sex with a man, who has an “above average” penis. Why not? Because, it could lead to discomfort, infections, and just an all-around bad sexual experience. Seriously. Therefore, the size of your penis doesn’t determine how great the sex will be. In fact, the most important factor to women, when it comes to sexual satisfaction is compatibility.

For instance, if you have a massive penis, but your partner has a small vagina – the sex may be memorable, but not gratifying. Women really just want a man, who can work with what he’s been given. So, knowing how to expertly use your penis is way more important, than its mass or length.

Tip: Some of a woman’s most sensitive and erotic areas are located in front of her vaginal canal. What does that mean for you? It means that even a “small” or “average” penis can make magic happen in the bedroom – if you know how to work it properly.

In Summary…

Sex myths can cause a ton of problems, especially if you believe and act on them. Internalising these sexual falsehoods can lead to hurt, anger, frustration, anxiety, sex disorders, fewer sex romps, and even a broken relationship. It’s important to remember that while some of these myths may have a modicum of truth attached to them – everyone is different. And, because everyone’s different, their preferences and sexual experiences are going to be different. So, the best thing you can do is be your authentic self – in and out of the bedroom. Go with what makes you and your partner feel good in bed and stay far away from anything that doesn’t.

Dr. R.Y. Langham

Dr. R.Y. Langham holds a Master of Science in marriage and family therapy and a Ph.D. in family psychology. She serves as a professional consultant for the Between Us Clinic, which provides sex-therapy online programs for men and couples experiencing premature ejaculation.