That’s why Dr Debby Herbenick, a professor of sexuality at Indiana University, invites her students to anonymously submit sexual secrets to her Tumblr blog, IUSecrets. “The beginning of a relationship is about ‘impression management’ – trying to look attractive, to be smart and interesting,” she says.
“But to create connection, we need to be vulnerable. Revealing secrets lets people do that.” And it can be pretty hot. When we asked women to spill their sex secrets and desires, threesomes and orgies showed up a dozen times. Girl-on-girl was a common theme. Then there were the sexual sleights of hand: infidelity, fake orgasms, no orgasms at all.
1. "I like being spanked. A lot." - Lola, 23
2. "I asked a man to move across the country with me, with no intention of marrying him." - Kelsey, 23
3. "I want to make a game out of initiating sex in public places, where some earn more points than others." - Tara, 31
4. "I had my first real orgasm this summer. I've been married nearly 15 years." - Jennifer, 35
5. "I've had two threesomes, same girl." - Emily, 23
6. "Before I start dating a new guy, I do an unhealthy amount of research - Facebook, Google, LinkedIn, even criminal records. Then I casually bring up things in conversation that make him think we have something obscure in common." Kelsey, 25
7. "I lost my virginity on a one-night stand... and I don't think that's such a big deal." - Sarah, 22
8. "I will always do it better myself." - Valerie, 22
9. "I want to watch him masturbate." - Stephanie, 23
10. "Watching porn turns me on. Something about seeing a woman naked excites me." - Alicia, 24
11. "I frequently flirt heavily with strangers to make sure I've still got it, even though I'm in love." - Elizabeth, 23
12. "My boyfriend knows I have a vibrator but now how often I use it. Our sex life is great, so I'm afraid I'll throw it off if I tell him." - Jessica, 26
13. "I secretly want to have sex with a woman." - Alina, 35
14. "I fantasise about other men all the time." - Liz, 25
15. "I want to be tied up andn ot know what's coming next." - Jennie, 36
16. "I still check my ex-boyfriend's email." - Maria, 26
17. "I want to have sex in the same room as another couple." - Samantha, 34
18. "That 'move' that you have that makes me scream your name? Yeah. It sucks. I screamed out once because I wanted it to end and now I'm stuck pretending I like it." - Stephanie, 27
19. "I clawed into his back not because I wanted him more but because I knew it would turn him off - because he wasn't turning me on." - Melody, 32
20. "I slept with my boyfriend's brother." - Ana, 32
21. "I cheated on my ex and that's why he broke up. My boyfriend of two years doesn't know because I don't want him to think I would do it again." - Sarah, 22