When it comes to reaching orgasm, most women need more than plain old penetration.
Your penis is great and all, but only a quarter of women routinely come during vaginal intercourse — which means a lot of ladies need some clitoral stimulation in order to climax.
So what can you do to give her a mind-blowing clitoral orgasm? Well, for starters, make sure you know where the clitoris is: at the top of the vulva, just under the spot where the inner labia meet. Because the clit is so sensitive, 67% of women prefer stimulation in or around the clitoris, not directly on it. If you're not sure what she prefers, remember this universal piece of advice: ask her!
Surprise your partner tonight with one — or all — of these clitoral stimulation tricks, using not just your tongue, but also your lips, fingers, and toys.
1. Suck and Nibble
Instead of just licking her, use your lips and tongue to suck on her clit.
"The entire vulva consists of sensitive nerve fibers," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. "So being able to suck on the glans or the head of the clit and lightly nibble on her inner and outer labia, or suck a little on labia, will stimulate the nerve fibers."
The sucking will also lead to increased vasocongestion, or more blood flow, to the vulva and the clitoris — "like a little vacuum pump," Kerner says.
2. Draw circles
When researchers from Indiana University surveyed 1,055 women about their favorite sex techniques, 3 out of 4 women said they love it when you trace little circles on or around her clit.
You can use your tongue, your finger, or two fingers — or all of the above.
While you're drawing those circles, try "hinting" — focusing on the area near her clitoris, and only occasionally coming in for a direct touch. In that same Indiana University survey — which was used to create the website OMGYES — 7 out of 10 women said they were into this technique.
"Use one finger flicking all around the clitoris, but not directly on it," says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author and founder of sexpert.com. "To bring your partner to orgasm, once she is at the height of pleasure, you’ll want to maintain a steady consistent stroke.”
4. Pick a Side
When it comes to clitoral stimulation, 4 out of 10 women have a preferred side, the same survey found. Ask her if there's a side she likes better — and if she's not sure, experiment on both.
5. Use your imagination.
When you're flicking your tongue over her clitoris, imagine you are painting a fence from top to bottom, says Cadell, "alternating between up and down." Next, "go into the windshield wiper move of using your tongue to go side-to-side."
6. Don’t Forget the Shaft
While a lot of attention is spent on the the tip of the clitoris — the part located at the top of the vulva — it also has two "legs" that extend up to five inches inside the body, known as the "shaft."
"Slide your fingers to either side of her clitoral shaft," Dr. Cadell explains. "Pull and push the clitoral hood across the clitoris and move in circles, diagonals, and spontaneous un-choreographed fashions so as to stay unpredictable."
7. Play the Harmonica
Once your partner is in the midst of an orgasm, add some oral vibration to her experience.
"Make your lips into an O and take her clitoris in your mouth," Cadell suggests. "Then make humming sounds as you suck on her clit, as if you are playing a harmonica, so that she can feel the warm, wet vibrations."
8. Bring on the Waterworks
We’re not talking about vaginal ejaculation or golden showers here. Water play is one of the first methods many women use to get off when they start masturbating at an early age in the privacy of their bath time.
"Water play is important," Cadell says. “When using a handheld shower head, let the water spray over her body in between her legs, then move it closer to her clitoris, moving the water stream back and forth.”
9. The Penis Massage
If you're hard, try using your erect penis to rub up against her clit.
"This is good if you are laying side-by-side facing each other ... or even on your knees above her, holding the tip of your penis in your hand to massage and rub her clit," Kerner says. "She can also grab your penis and use it like she would a sex toy on her clit."
10. Speaking of sex toys...
Kerner recommends the We-Vibe 4 Plus as the best couples vibrator for clitoral action. With its U-shape, one end is inserted into her vagina, and the other end rests on her clit. If she wears it during intercourse, you can feel the vibration as well. And with the mobile app, you can stimulate her without even being in the same room. Give her a clitoral orgasm while you’re away on a business trip, halfway around the world.
11. Lip Service
If she's not into direct clitoral contact, try stimulating her inner labia.
"Touching or sucking her inner lips actually pulls on the clitoris, and it’s really useful for women whose clitoris gets too sensitive,” says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex.
2. Arousal Oils
There's an array of arousal oils and balms designed to bring tingling or heating sensation to her clit.
“Go slowly with trying these out,” Mintz advises. “Some women are too sensitive, and the sensation can be too intense.”
13. Switch up the setting
Want an all-access oral sex experience? Shanna Katz, M.Ed., a board-certified sexologist and author of Oral Sex That Will Blow Her Mind, previously gave MensHealth.com this tip:
Have her sit on a countertop, a sturdy table, or a laundry machine; if you kneel on the ground in front of her, you'll be able to your lips, tongue, and hands as much as you want. Plus, she'll be able to get a good look at you between her legs.