11 Women Reveal the Best Ways to Break Up With Your Girlfriend

We reached out to 11 women and asked them to share the best way to end things so that the bandaid that is your relationship is ripped off as cleanly and as painlessly as possible. Below, their thoughts.

Bare Minimum

“A phone call is the bare minimum. The last time I was dumped, it was via phone, and we had dated for three months, and it was semi-long distance, about an hour away. Some of my friends were insulted on my behalf that he didn’t do it in person, but honestly, this was better. One of us was going to travel an hour and then break up? That would have been brutal. Text message and e-mail are out of the question, but phone call or in-person can both be appropriate, depending on how serious you were and how long it lasted.” – Ann, 31

Don’t Linger

“Don’t let it linger. You know it’s time to break up when you start to get really annoyed by the little things, and when you’re ready to snap. Really, it’s not her fault if her throat-clearing or table manners start to drive you up the wall. Break up with her before you start treating her poorly. When you are treating someone shitty because you don’t want to be with them anymore, that’s where you poison the waters, which leads to drama in the breakup and aftermath.” – Kerri, 31

Keep It Short

Make It Concrete

“Do not be vague. Saying things such as, ‘maybe, someday…’ or, ‘I think I might regret this down the line,’ or, ‘For now,’ creates hope in her mind and gives her something to hold onto. If you are making the moves to end it, make it concrete. Many times people hold onto threads of relationships because they like the idea that there is someone waiting in the wings who has feelings for them, but that is unfair to do to a woman who might otherwise meet someone who knows instantly that she is the one.” – Meghan, 31

Don’t Force Friendship

“If you actually want to be friends with the girl you’re breaking up with, that’s nice and all, but it is entirely up to her. She should decide when or if you guys can chat. You cannot force your friendship on someone, and trying to do it is a dick thing. The only time the person breaking up gets to assert control over this is if the girl is too friendly, texting, and calling all the time.” – Brooke, 29

Honesty

“Honesty is the best way to do it, even if being honest means telling me what you don’t like about me. It may hurt my feelings at first, but then it gives me the chance to work on it for future relationships.” – Sally, 32

Don’t Disappear

“It goes without saying that the absolute, number one, most obnoxious and hurtful way to break up with someone is to disappear altogether. While it stings in the moment, just man up and tell me, ‘I just don’t think it’s going to work out.’” – Lauren, 32

Amicable

“The biggest breakup I had was mutual and very amicable after we stumbled across a deal breaker: I wanted kids, and he didn’t. We lived in different states and he was visiting me at the time, so after we had a long conversation about having children, we still had a few days together before he flew home. I expected those couple of days to be extremely awkward, but I think having those two days together went a long way towards making our break up so clean and truly amicable. We got the opportunity to say everything that we wanted to say to one another, and helped each other through the worst of coming to terms with the fact that you can love someone who you’re just not meant to be with.” – Meredith, 29

Don’t Phone

“The guy who took my virginity broke up with me over the phone. He was honest—a relationship with one of this close friends had taken a romantic turn and he wanted too see where it went. He was a coward for not breaking up with me in person, especially after several months of dating, and knowingly taking my virginity. I was devastatingly disappointed, but his honesty was the source of closure that I needed to ultimately know the breakup was no reflection on me. Interestingly enough, I ended up recycling his line to break up with someone else and I think it had the same effect.” – Laurel, 30

No Cowards

“The person who initiates the break up will inevitably be cast as an asshole. It really comes down to what kind of asshole do you want to be? A direct and honest asshole who is considerate enough to give a woman the answers and closure that she needs to decisively move on, or a cowardly asshole who’s not confident enough in himself to accept responsibility for his wants and decisions? Ghosting and just hoping that she’ll break up with you are signature, cowardly, asshole manoeuvres.” – Margaret, 27

Email Sender

“Many women I know and respect are all for the in-person or over the phone break up. It is indeed admirable and the right thing to do. However, speaking as a woman who is somewhat cowardly herself when it comes to confrontation, I understand the tremendous guilt and fear that goes into telling someone, ‘Hey you’re great, but not great enough for me.’ One of the best breakups I ever had was, in fact, over e-mail. And while many women might scoff at that and call him a jerk, I found his note to be incredibly thoughtful. He took the time to tell me how much he enjoyed our time together and that I did nothing wrong. He ended up reconnecting with his ex of seven years. He said he wished things were different or that we met at another time and he hoped that one day we could be friends. Of course I was crushed, but from his words I knew we didn’t have a romantic future and that I could start to move on. And it turns out, a year later, we are incredibly close friends.” – Meagan, 29

This article originally appeared on Menshealth.com.